How to Talk to a Co-Parent You Don't Trust
Six steps to get your message across, whatever you think of the person receiving it.
Article contributed by Marcie Shaoul
Nobody warns you about this part. You can process the breakup, build a new routine, even make peace with the past. Then a text comes through about your child’s pick-up times and your whole body tenses up.
If you're co-parenting with someone you don't trust, every message can feel loaded. You're not just arranging logistics, you're bracing for the tone, second-guessing the wording, wondering what they'll do with what you send. That's exhausting, and it's not something anyone should have to carry alone.
This article draws on the Six-Step Co-Parenting Method, the framework co-parenting coach Marcie Shaoul developed after years of working with separated parents, and set out in full in her book The Co-Parenting Method: Six Steps to Raise Happy Kids After Separation and Divorce. You don't need your co-parent to change for your communication to improve. You need a system. Here's how each of the six steps applies when trust is the problem.
The Six-Step Co-Parenting Method
You can't control how your co-parent communicates. You can control how you show up. A clear, calm, well-documented message does more than get the point across, it takes the sting out of every exchange and gives your kids a steadier home to come back to, in both houses. It won't feel natural at first. Stick with it, and it will.